Korra's Great Smoke-Off [Mature]

[Tera253]

[rated mature for drug references out the wazoo, as well as a bit of violence, as well as profanity.]

inspired by a poem apparently written by Shel Silverstein.
KORRA'S GREAT SMOKE-OFF
------------------------
In the laid back South Pole town of the Southern Water Tribe
Lived a girl named Avatar Korra, you prob’ly knew her vibe.
She’d been stoned fifteen of her eighteen years and the story was widely told
That she could smoke 'em faster than anyone could roll.
Her legend finally reached ol’ Republic, that titanic walk-up flat
Where dwelt that old Tenzin Kid, a beatnik from the past
With long browned lightnin’ fingers he takes a cultured toke
And says, “Hell, I can roll ‘em faster, Jim, than any chick can smoke!”

So a note gets sent to the Water Tribe, “For the Championship of Lore
The Kid demands a smoke off!” "Well, bring him on!" says Korra,
"I'll grind his fingers off his hands, he'll roll until he drops!"
Says Tenzin, "I'll smoke that twist till she blows up and pops!”
So they rent out Ba Sing Se and the word is quickly spread
"Come one, come all, who walk or crawl, price – just two lids a head
And from every town and hamlet, over land and sea they speed
The world's greatest dopers, with the Worlds greatest weed
Hashishers from Ember Isle, hemp smokers from Omashu
And the Shamnicks from up North who puff the deadly Pugaroo
And those who call it Light of Life and those that call it boo.

See the dealers and their ladies wearing turquoise, lace, and leather
See the narcos and the closet smokers puffin’ all together
From the teenies who smoke legal to the ones who've done some time
To the old man who smoked “reefer” back before it was a crime
And the grand old city Jack built is filled with the smoke and cries
Of fifty thousand screaming heads all stoned out of their minds.
And they play the national anthem and the crowd lets out a roar
As the spotlight hits The Kid and Korra, ready for their smokin' war
At a table piled up high with grass, as high as a mountain peak
Just tops and buds of the rarest flowers, not one stem, branch or seed.

Maui Wowie, Koldia Red and Fire Nation Gold.
Kif from Eastern Air Temple and rare Water Tribe Cold.
Sticks from Fengtai, Ganja from the Fire Islands, and Ba Sing Se’s Bloomin' Best.
And some of that wet imported shit that capsized in the West.
Water Tribe tops and Si Wong Bhang and old Earth Kingdom Fleurs.
And that rare Lake Laogai Silver that grows down in the city sewers.
And there's bubblin’ ice cold lemonade and sweet grapes by the bunches.
And there's Hershey’s bars, and Oreos, ‘case anybody gets the munchies.
And the old Tenzin Kid, he sneers, and Korra, she just grins.
And the drums roll low and the crowd yells “GO!” and the world’s first Smoke Off begins.

Tenzin flicks his magic fingers once and ZAP! that first joint’s rolled.
Korra takes one drag with her mighty lungs and WOOSH! that roach is cold.
Then The Kid he rolls his Super Bomb that’d paralyze a moose.
And Korra takes one super hit and SLURP! that bomb’ defused.
Then he rolls three in just ten seconds and she smokes 'em up in nine,
And everybody sits back and says, "This just might take some time."
See the blur of flyin’ fingers, see the red coal burnin’ bright
As the night turns into mornin’ and the mornin’ fades to night
And the autumn turns to summer and a whole damn year is gone
But the two still sit on that roach-filled stage, smokin' and rollin' on
With tremblin’ hands he rolls his jays with fingers blue and stiff
She coughs and stares with bloodshot gaze, and puffs through blistered lips.
And as she reaches out her hand for another stick of gold
Tenzin he gasps, "Goddamn it, bitch, there's nothin' left to roll!"
"Nothin’ left to roll?", screams Korra, "Is this some twisted joke?”
“I didn't come here to fuck around, man, I come here to SMOKE!"
And she reaches 'cross the table And grabs his bony sleeves
And she crumbles his body between her hands like dried and brittle leaves
Flickin' out his teeth and bones like useless stems and seeds
And then she rolls him in a Zig Zag and lights him like a roach.
And the fastest man with the fastest hands goes up in a puff of smoke.

In the laid-back South Pole town of Southern Water Tribe
Lives a girl named Avatar Korra, you prob’ly know her vibe.
She’s been stoned twenty-one of her twenty-four years, and the story’s widely told.
How she still can smoke them faster than anyone can roll
While off in Republic City on a street that has no name.
There's the hands of that old Tenzin Kid in the Viper Hall of Fame
And underneath his fingers there's a little golden scroll
That says, Beware of Bein’ the Roller When There's Nothin’ Left to Roll.


~Korra~

[Tera253]

oh, and I figure on the note of stoner!Korra, that I might as well also post this.

[also works as a song; sung to "Devil went to Jamaica", better known as "devil went down to Georgia".]

King Bumi went to Jamaica, he was lookin' to sell some weed;
He was doin' fine, they were standin' in line, it was excellent weed indeed.
when he came across this young gal who was likewise peddlin' pot
and Bumi slid down the beach to the kid and said "Girl, lemme tell ya what..."

"I bet you kinda figured, I'm a reefer head of course...
and after all this time I guess that I'm a connoisseur of sorts."

"Now your stuff smells okay, but this could kill an ostrich-horse.
I bet a million in cash against your stash that I think mine's better than yours."
the girl said "My name's Korra, and you ain't smoked nothin' yet.
one hit of this grass'll kick your ass; you've got yourself a bet."

"Korra, roll a ball o' hash, and make sure it's the bomb,
'coz Bumi's got the kinda of stuff they smoked in Vietnam..."
"Youll get a million smackaroos in cash if you can cope;
but if you can't, then Bumi gets your dope..."

King Bumi packed a bong with a little Fire Nation gold...
and resin flew from his fingertips as he fired up his bowl...
he filled that chamber all the way and he TOOK A MIGHTY HIT...
and as they passed it back and forth it gave 'em both a coughin' fit.

when the bowl was finished Korra said, "hey man that stuff was great!
but fill your lungs with some of this and PREPARE TO VEGETATE!"

Cannabis Sativa, sweet Mary Jane...
Bumi's in the backyard fryin' his brain...
ziazag filled with a diggity dank...
hold on tight it'll hit ya like a tank...

King Bumi nodded off because he knew that he was stoned...
and he asked if he could buy an ounce of the stuff that Korra owned.
Korra said "Bumi just come on back if you ever wanna catch a buzz.
I dun told ya once, you sunuvabitch mine's the best there ever was!"

and they fired up doobies one by one...
ain't gonna stop till the bag is done....
green as a bullfrog sticky as glue...
Korra do you get high, yes I do...
------------

~Korra~

[Fire&Ice]

Lulz, I love jonny cash!

EDIT: Woops, not Jonny cash. But I love it anyways!