Scarlet's Poetry

[scarletcougar]

When beauty and devastation collide
The grey crumbled stones
The dried blood of the innocent
Fade to smoke
And as the vision blurs
Do we see
The few blades of bright green grass
The clear pale blue of the noonday sky
The sharp contrast of branches
Of the cherry blossom tree
As a delicate cream feather
Floats to the ground
And the last breath leaves
The fainted essence of spirit
When truly there was nothing really there at all

[sukkah]

since you mentioned cherry blossoms, my mind instantly jumped to japan, more specifically, the cities of hiroshima and nagasaki. this is how i see your poem: the devastation the atomic bomb gives colliding with the beauty of japan - everything goes up in smoke, even the innocent civilians. but here we see a dying persona suddenly having vivid images of his beloved homeland; the imaginations of beauty before desecration.

the descriptive lines were put in good use, imo. it gives the reader, or at least it does to me, a sense of longing, a hallucination you would try to hold on to cancel out the horrors of reality. i like the transformation of the first images to beauty, blending into smoke to make way for the persona's wonderland, especially the use of "Do we see" as a break between the two. the question form makes one think that it is all in the head, rather than reality. the last line was bit long. i can't help but think that there would have been more effective ways to express it in a shorter way, making it more profound.

all in all, i'll give it an 8/10. [based on my idea that this poem is all about the bombing of japan >.<]

[scarletcougar]

Thanks for the commentary...
And ya, the last line is too long. I am trying to think of a better way to say it.

Maybe if I drop the last bit...

"When Truly, there was nothing"

And maybe just leave it at that?

The poem was not specifically written about Japan, but was inspired by the tragic imagery. I wrote it for a scene in a fanfic were Fire Nation soldiers and a Fire Sage travel north with an elite military team to try to find the legendary Av Atar Se and see what has happened to it. The military leader sets of foot on the fallen wall and looks down into the vally as his dearest friend, a Yu Yan archer, stands quietly beside him. The leader says this poem at the scene he sees before turning to inform everyone that it is safe to enter.

[sukkah]

So it's onnected to avatar. I should have known xD.

Anyway, does this means that the leader imagines the place before its destruction?

I guess your modification is okay. You can also make it two lines instead

When truly, all
were but mere illusions

or something like that, since I take it the leader wants to see the beauty, and thus imagines it, so he does with his 'heart'. Sorry if it sucks, I'm not really good with profoundness >.<

[scarletcougar]

Mikomi is the leader, Yan is the yu Yan archer.

They arrive at the long abandoned and crumbling city of Av Atar Se.
They had hoped to find a hidden thriving city.

They found a ghost town devastated by the demons summoned by the Earth Kingdom Queens (sisters that brought great devatation to the world (with the help of the Akuma... from the AvRen 2007 RP). After traveling for almost 4 months, this was a hard blow to the small military team guarding the settlers.

Here is the poem analysis line by line::

When beauty and devastation collide

The beauty of a once magnificent city, where Zuko ruled over an almost utpoia protected in the mountains from the devatation of Fire Lady Azula, Is the legendary home where all four nations could take safe refuge.
The devastation of reality where the last 3 decades show the ruin of the city as the demonized Earth Kingdom Queens had invaded and destroyed what they could.

The grey crumbled stones

This is reality. The walls are crumbling grey stones, the buildings lack the color and lustre of life.

The dried blood of the innocent

Reality again. The stains of old battles mark various places, as do some graves, many small indicating children.

Fade to smoke

As in the Air Chakra where dreams and hopes and loves fade to smoke and are replaced by inner pain and heartache... loss of hope.

And as the vision blurs

The discovery and crushed hopes brings tears to the eyes, but men and soldiers should not cry, so the vision becomes just bluured.

Do we see

Mikomi looks down to see the hints of life still there

The few blades of bright green grass

Hints of hope in the tiny glints of grass peaking between the stones.

The clear pale blue of the noonday sky

He looks up and the sky is as beautiful here as it was in his old coastal home.

The sharp contrast of branches
Of the cherry blossom tree

the contrast is not just the branches of a cherry tree, but also the contract of life and death in this one place and dashed hopes and the desperate hopes. We do not get the indication that the tree is alive though. In Japanese poetry and stories there is always tragedy and the beauty that is in death portrayed by the contrast of perhaps a cherry tree branch against grey or white background like snow.

As a delicate cream feather
Floats to the ground

This is an indication of mystery. Where did the feather come from? What does it mean? Are the rumors of winged warriors called the Angels of Heaven true?

And the last breath leaves
The fainted essence of spirit

Silence surrounds them and the only sound is their breathing. You can almost imagine life elsewhere there breathing. However... maybe not... as the tiny chill goes through Mikomy at the idea that all that is really there are the ghosts of the dead.

When truly there was nothing really there at all

This returns us to reality and the concrete thinking of a military man seeing that there is really no life there. But it also hintsa at the Buddhist philosophy of nothingness and how everything is just illusion or what what we make of it.

[sukkah]

Wow, that was deeper than I expected. I have no way of realizing that Buddhist philosophy connection. It's all connected with your fanfiction and Travahar's, I see. I thought what Mikomi saw was just imaginations, so the grass really is there, which in turn indicates hope for this destroyed city, however remote it may be.

Nice imagery on the cherry blossoms. My first thought was that its branches contrasted with the place - life and death. Although oddly enough, I imagined branches framed by a blue sky when I read that line, the kind where you see in movies with the camera below, on the tree's side. That Japanese bit was very interesting, shows how their culture are very sensitive to the gentle imagery found in nature.

[scarletcougar]

In my poem the branch is against the blue sky as you pictured it. I had to just note though that in Japanese art and poetry it is usually against other colors. Tan, Green, Grey, White. I like the blue sky better, personally.